The Bridge

Virgil had had enough; sure his wife’s dementia had not really changed things too dramatically other than the caring roles had switched but his highly intelligent wife had become more than a tad gullible. This was generally okay because it just amplified her general sweetness and he loved her more for it. Until Thursday…

Last Thursday, their dog had inadvertently eaten the tv remote after Virgil had foolishly eaten takeaway chicken, the dog’s favourite food in the world, in front of the cricket and used his greasy fingers to channel surf during the ads. The scent of greasy poultry had been too much for the old fella, who had only been given a small chunk of chicken, and the fervent licking of the control had become one big gulp. 

Anyhow, when Virgil had returned from the toilet he was confronted with a guilty looking pet, a television stuck on the children’s channel and no tv control to change it back to the cricket.

Virgil knew that the dog needed to get to the veterinarian straightaway for the health of his dog and his cricket viewing. He made the decision to leave his wife at home with her gardening and explained where he was going. It was something he had done before with no incident. 

That was before…

When he had return from the veterinarian without the dog or the control thanks to a need to remove the control with $5000 surgery, Virgil was meet at the door by a very happy wife.

“I finally found you the perfect gift!” 

Virgil looked at his wife in her gardening clothes and wondered aloud how she could have possibly had time to go out and shop, especially as he had their car.

“Oh, I didn’t go out!” She said pleasantly. “These two nice young men came to the door and sold me this…”

She handed him an envelope, her eyes shining with excitement as he opened it. When he read the deed inside his stomach dropped.

It was a deed to the local bridge in town.

Tears welled in his eyes as he asked, “That’s lovely, darling. Was it expensive?”

“That’s the best part! It was a steal for such real estate, I didn’t have the money so they agreed to swap your old boat for it.” Virgil gulped as he dashed to the side of the house to check to see if his vintage Riva was still there only to be greeted with an patch of dirt where the boat once was.

 Virgil allowed a small tear to trickle down his cheek. 

“I was hoping you’d remember and you do!” His wife tenderly wiped away the tear and gave him a loving kiss. “This is the the bridge you proposed to me on.” She danced around him with joy before she looked over his shoulder. “I really need to separate those bulbs.” 

He watched her walk over to the garden bed with the bulbs, knowing full well that it would be pointless asking her who sold her the bridge. 

Virgil’s could feel his blood pressure rise as he stared helplessly at the empty space where his vintage Riva had once sat.

First his dog eats his remote during the Christmas test match. 

Then his dog costs $5000 to get the remote out. 

Lastly, he comes home to discover his wife has literally bought a bridge in exchange for his most treasured possession.

“Well, if I own the bridge now, then I am going to bring it home!” He muttered to himself as drove off to his bridge, deed in hand.

That night on the news the local people were more than a little shocked that mild mannered Virgil Landers had been arrested after he had hooked a chain to the local bridge and his small truck and tried to take the bridge away.  They were even more shocked when he maniacally waved a sheet of paper at the camera screaming, “It’s mine! My wife gave it to me.”