The Affair

He hated her.

He had loved her once; enough to marry her at least. Except, if he was completely honest, it was her apartment he loved and he couldn’t get that without the ring.

The apartment was divine, it overlooked the Central Park and was close to his favourite coffee shops, his favourite bars and his work; which wasn’t his favourite but it paid the bills. 

She was not divine. She was whiny, she was meticulous and she kept inviting her friends over for tea, which inevitably turned into lunch and dinner. This socialising impinged on his tv time and he let her know it. He threatened to leave if she didn’t stop the friends coming around and she fell for it. 

You know, because she loved him.

The next few months had been bliss; no annoying friends looking down their noses at him just because he liked reality television. The one annoying element was that she insisted on trying to talk to him so he made a rule that she couldn’t talk when the tv was on and the tv was always on so she never spoke.

You know, because she loved him.

Then one day, his perfect life was shattered. He walked in the door, all primed to watch the latest episode of House Hunters, and sitting there was this vaguely familiar guy drinking tea. 

She had tried to introduce the friend. The audacity! He ignored the loser, turned to her and let her have it. Surprisingly, the loser stood beside her and clasped her hand, like they do on those dating shows.

“You’re having an affair!” He yelled. 

The door burst open, two massive men burst in and one tackled him to the ground. The other man turned to loser, “Are you okay, your highness?”

The loser looked down at him sprawled beneath the human fridge which had him pinned on the ground, nodded and kissed her on the forehead. 

“Say yes.” He urged.

She nodded and they left, taking the two henchmen with them. 

Two weeks later the divorce papers arrived. 

Two weeks after that the eviction notice arrived. 

That’s when it struck him, the reason the loser had looked so familiar; his wife been having tea with the King and he didn’t know about it.