Never a Dull Day

“Hello there, good lady!”

Good grief, she thought, here we go again.

He looked about the wooded landscape which surrounded her house. 

“What country is this?” He swept his hand expansively across the view. 

Hmmm, she thought, where should we be today. “Lithuania,” she replied sweetly. 

He arched a sceptical eye brow in her direction. “You don’t sound Lithuanian.”

She kept focussing on the gardening that she had been working upon and ignored the accusation. “Is that a bear?” 

He froze and looked in the direction of her gaze. “Do not worry, sweet widowed woman! I will save you!” He ran into the woods brandishing the garden rake like an ancient sword. 

Great, she thought, today I’m a widow. Still, it’s better than the prostitute persona he landed me with yesterday; even better that today he’s the chivalrous knight today and not the fellow prostitute with self esteem issues about his hairy legs and lack of cleavage which was who he generally was when he made her the prostitute. That was two hours of tears and margaritas she wasn’t going to forget in a hurry.

For 10 minutes or so, she could hear thrashing and crashing in the wooded grove beside their house as she harvested the carrots she had planted a few weeks ago. When she planted those, he was the camp leader and they were facing the apocalypse and the carrots were desperately needed as a future food source. She inhaled deeply the freshness of the carrots and imagined the soup she would cook as soon as she convinced him to go inside.

The thrashing continued. 

“Sir Camelot? Is the bear vanquished yet? Would you like to have a celebratory lunch?” 

He wandered out of the grove, patting down his clothes and looking decidedly pleased with himself. “Why, yes! You are safe, sweet widow woman.” She rolled her eyes. “I just need to have a quick reviving rest prior to our meal.”

Right, she thought, a quick nap generally meant that the next personality was on their way. She hoped that she would be visited by the charming movie star next, lunches with him were always very entertaining and fun. 

Life was never dull with her husband, but then again, he did promise it wouldn’t be when he proposed. She wondered when she’d see that personality again, he’d been gone a while and she missed him.

Maybe this lunch he’d visit, or the movie star… she really liked the movie star.