It hadn’t always been a goal of Myron; to own a bunker. But with all of the talk of disease and those inscrutable Chinese it had begun to feel like a necessity.
“Trump is really on to something,” Myron had thought.
So, he had saved and saved from his job as a clerk to get a bunker built in his backyard; he had bought tins and tins of food, toilet paper, books, a television, an hour glass and a ten gauge shot gun to ward off any Democrats who thought they could get their hands on his supplies.
Then Covid 19 hit, and Myron knew that the time had come to use the bunker so that he could help re-populate the USA. Sure, he didn’t have any women in his life as such, but when the rest of the planet had been wiped out by the Chinese pandemic, how picky could they be?
“I mean,” Myron had often said, “I would be willing to mate with a Democrat for the sake of repopulating America.”
But, deep in his heart he knew that not a single Democrat would have been clever enough to build a bunker like he had and so he felt safe that his Republican values wouldn’t be compromised when fulfilling his patriotic duty.
He entered the bunker, spun the dial so that it wouldn’t open for 6 months and hunkered down in his bunker for the duration of the pandemic. He turned the hourglass (a whimsical inclusion he knew, but everyone needed a bit of fun) and wandered about the small 30 by 30 square foot space while the sand fell through the hourglass, admiring his ability to prepare for a disaster.
He stomach rumbled.
“Lunch!” He announced to no one.
He grabbed a tin of spaghetti and meatballs; his mouth tingling with delight at the prospect of eating his first meal in the bunker.
The tingling stopped when he looked through the cutlery drawer only to realise that he had forgotten to include a can opener. His panic rose as he frantically moved about the concrete room desperately trying to find something to open the 4000 tins of food he had spent months and months hoarding for this moment.
All to no avail.
He turned the stupid hourglass again and watched the sands fall again as silently as his tears slid down his cheek.
There would be no repopulating America for him.
Across the country every Democrat voting woman felt a surge of relief and not a single one knew why.